so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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