I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
