So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
