gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
