Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
