they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
