I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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