hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
