Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
