I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this hospital has no fireball
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
