No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
