My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
