god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
