i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
