Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
