We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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