oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
