Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
