Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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