My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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