You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
