dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
