You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
well you can't waste a boner
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
