there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
