i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
