I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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