I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
