i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
