Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
