I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
