I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
COCAINE IS GR8
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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