I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
