Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
