I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
