i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
