I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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