It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
