I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
