She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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