You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
