So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
