Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
