mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
