I seem to have left my pride at pride
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
