i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
