and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
