Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
