Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
