I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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