I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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