Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
